This page & site was published in FIREGROUND MAGAZINE.Vol. 1 No.3 Spring 2001
Official Journal of The Tasmania Fire Service Australia
Fire Escapes
How Do You Rank?
Chief
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomative
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God.
Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God.
Assistant Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Platoon Chief
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomative
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is ocassionally addressed by God.
District Chief
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomative
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
Captain
Runs into buildings
Reconizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls.
Senior Man
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "Look at th choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself.
Firefighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
HE IS GOD!!!!!
FIRE! FIRE!
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station."
"Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.
Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."
"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way."
"When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked.
When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.
When I say Bell 3, we're going to screw all night."
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes.
"Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to screw.
After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons. Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy,"I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest." After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. So they were driving down the road and they came around this curb and crashed. The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened. The police asked him,"Are either of them showing any life signs?" The farmer then said, "Well, that first one was 'til I turned his head around the right way.
RAPID RESPONSE
Years ago, when I was working on a small town ambulance, it was not uncommon for my wife and me to stop at the local grocer to buy food for dinner after a call. I had gone in to get a head of lettuce and some apples. Unknown to me the floor was wet from the newly installed produce sprayers.
Down I went, hitting my head hard. When I came to, the manager of the store was sitting beside me telling me not to move, that he had called 911.
At the same time my pager went off and he looked at me and asked, “What was that? I said "My pager, I am 911." He looked at me, shocked " Boy, you guys are fast!"
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